Look At Me

I was out trying to solve a computer problem of some of the members of my church when one of them started talking about the latest controversy concerning the anniversary of 9-11 and the desire of a pastor to burn several copies of the Koran to commemorate the event. The person pointed out that the Topeka church noted for protesting at the funerals of service men had come out saying they had burned a copy of the Koran on a street corner in Washington D.C. a few years ago and no one took notice of that event.

Then a little later on in the day I was reading a statement that the same church said if the pastor in Florida changed his mind they would burn not only the Koran but also an American flag. When I saw that piece all I could do was think the lengths some people go to have a place in the news. When they are upstaged they will go to obscene acts in order to put their views back in the minds of the public again.

I have lived all my life in a country that has taken pride in the freedom it promotes and provides and one of those freedoms is the freedom of religion along with a separation of church and state. Now I have heard some content that being founded on Christian principles the freedom of religion statement was only guaranteed to Christianity. I believe such statements are misguided.

George Washington made a statement in favor of Judaism in the early days of our country.

When one religion is limited or banned the next one will not be far behind.

The other argument I have heard is others have done this to us so any type of behavior is a legitimate response. They burned our book so we can burn theirs. All this type of behavior does is ratchet up the fear and the hatred. It does nothing to solve the problem and only serves to increase the tension.

I believe such antics on the part of people who claim to be the church are just attempts to call attention to themselves. When I read of action of this type tied to the Church of Jesus Christ I can easily see why Anne Dillard announced her leaving the church. When I hear other Christians support such actions I wonder where are we going as the church in this country.

When Jesus told us to love our enemies and bless those who persecute you I take those teachings seriously. Times like these call for forgiveness not retaliation. Times like these call for learning and understanding not indoctrination.

One of my first encounters with a Muslim was while making a call on a parishioner before surgery. While in the prep area the surgeon (a devout Muslim) came in the room and struck up a conversation with me and I was impressed with his care and gentleness along with the devotion he had toward and the respect he had toward my faith. I left that encounter with a great deal of admiration for his faith and devotion. I also left wondering why I was not as devoted as he.

It has always been a challenge for me to read a book in which I find an opinion different from my own. On the other hand I believe it is important that I read such books because they help me to see a different perspective. But for the first time I am leading a study on a book that some might call controversial. Now this is really a stretch for me as well as for the people in the study.
I have discovered that many times we only read the writings of those who reflect our opinion and there by reinforce what we already are sure about.
Some people have told me it is very dangerous to read books that propose an ideology that is different from one's own because they are proposing an incorrect view of things. I would agree such an approach is dangerous but to the extent one see the other side as having a point and one might actually end entering into dialogue with that person.
We are living in a world in which looks at ideas with the view my opinion is the only one that matters. The result is an increasing division between people of differing opinions. The result is we no longer listen to one another and we only time we speak to the other side is by shouting louder to be heard.
When I look at the opinions of others and really try to understand I see a person with rights and responsibilities, another human being, rather than see an obstacle to be overcome.
Although it may be difficult it is really worth the effort because in the end i grow closer to those around me.

Disturbing Trend

Some articles crossed my path recently which I feel need to be commented. Both of the articles concern the church and the trends that are finding their way into more and more congregations. The first one is congregations gone wild an op-ed article in the New York Times published on their opinion page August 7th. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/08/opinion/08macdonald.html?scp=1&sq=congregations%20gone%20wild&st=cse
You can read the entire article by clicking on the link.

I have found a great deal of truth in the article and find it to be a very disturbing trend. As one who is trying to lead a church through a transformation process and facing the issue that church is not always about being entertained or making me feel good I sense it is an uphill battle in particular when a number of people in the small congregation I serve focus on that type of message preached on television from a mega-church pastor. Is it any wonder local church pastors are dealing with burnout in greater and greater numbers because of the pressure to sell out to the popular message.

I have always found the message of the Gospel as one that has challenged and continued to challenge me toward transformation. The result is I see myself not as one who has arrived with a list of all the answers but as one who is in a constant process of becoming a more committed follower of Jesus.

The second article was one someone posted from Harper's. http://www.harpers.org/archive/2005/08/0080695 This article by Bill Mckibben talks about our country in while claiming to be a Christian Nation we really do not understand or follow the teachings of Jesus. The tendency is to live by a Benjamin Franklin quote: "God helps those who help themselves" and take it as gospel when in fact the statement is in direct opposition to the teaching of Jesus who commanded us to care for the poor, the widow and the orphan.

A third article is not about the church per se but is about the attitude of our country in general. Again it an op-ed piece from the NY Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/09/opinion/09krugman.html

Our rich history as a nation we have been the leader in many innovative areas. But today with the downturn in the economy and large unemployment numbers and and the troubles most local and state governments are having making end meet. The result is our infrastructure is crumbling. Examples in the article talk about roads being turned back to gravel, cities turning off every third street light in order to cut costs. All this while those in office are promising not to raise taxes to pay for such items like education, road repairs and the like.

Recently, I heard from a person who travels a great deal in my home state of Illinois. Drive in front of any school building and you will most likely see a sign that the state owes this district x number of dollars that have not been paid.

In the Kansas City area recently (where I currently reside) we made the national news by announcing we would be closing several schools in the district and laying off teachers. One such teacher a member of my congregation recently recieved a letter saying she was fired and the next day received a letter saying she was assigned to a school. Now this district has had major problems for years and has gone through several superintendents in the 20 years I have lived in the area. But school is starting next week and a lot of teachers still don't know if they have a job.

Now I done a lot of ranting and raving over these three articles but I believe there has to be a major position shift by the people leading this country. First we need to realize the first law of economics (as quoted by my economics prof. Dr. James V. Koch) "There is not such thing as a free lunch." The cost of everything has to be paid for by someone. If we want good schools we have to pay for them if we want good roads they again have to be paid for by us. It is time for us to step up and look at the level of greed in our country and do something about it. Rather than spending money on things we do not need we need to invest in others. I believe that is the only thing that will turn around our situation.

Tuesday in Haiti

We are headed to the mountains today. There is a Baptist Mission station and they have a shop where we can buy things and we will have lunch there as well. Easy day today then evaluation of trip tomorrow fly back to Miami Thursday.
I am ready to put together a work trip and come back thy really need the workers and they are ready to welcome groups. Wall's Guest house where we have stayed has been very gracious as our host and is a great place to stay very cheap $40 a day per person which includes breakfast and dinner. The meals have been great and the we are planning to leave our extra funds.
The are planning to use a former missionaires house as a mission station for workers and they should be able to sleep about 30 people but as of right now they people stay at Walls.
I need to do a good job getting people connected to Haiti when I get back. It has been a wonderful experience that is life changing. Physically this has not been a difficult trip because we did very little physical work but it has been emotionally draining because of all the need.
If you would like me to do a presentation at your church or organization just contact me and let me know.
I will be leaving with the people of Haiti in my heart and my prayers.

Monday may10

The rain is pouring down and everyone at Walls Guest house is in the dining area waiting out the rain. This is by far the hardest rain we have had the week we have been in Haiti. All I can think about is the people in the tents. Our interpreter a sharp 18 year old high school student is with his family in one of the tents. He shared with us the place of their tent is on the turf at the stadium and everything gets wet when it rains because the water soaks up in the turf.like a sponge. I.can not imagine what it is like to be living in one of the tent cities.

The most difficult day to date

Today is Saturday and we had the opportunity to visit two orphanages in Port Au Prince that are connected with Conaspeh. Both of the facilities look nice because they were buildings that were rented because the original buildings were destroyed in the earthquake.

My heart went out to the kids and we toured the facility at the first visit. It was down a dirt road back in a neighborhood then took a left turn on a path covered by garbage the on to the orphanage. It was being run by a pastor and his family and they had about 25 kids in the house. They were all sleeping outside because of fear for another quake or aftershock and there was not a flat piece of ground on the property. The children were all ages from babies up to about 10 years of age. The pastor's family 8 children of his own were helping care for the younger children. The he took us into the pantry and showed us their food supply which consisted of half a 25 pound bag of rice imported from the U. S. When our leader gave him some funds he said he was leaving right after we left to go buy food.

Malnutrition is a big problem. There is a great need for vegetables, clean water and money to pay rent or food for the children. This problem is not unusual. The need is so great I can not image what it would be like to live in such poverty. I can see why the Baptist group want to take kids out of the country I just want to give these kids a chance.

The second orphanage we went to had 160 children they had food and a rented building we went down the road to see the building that had been damaged. It will take a great deal of money to rebuild this building about somewhere in the neighborhood of 350 thousand US Dollars. But again the children are sleeping outside because of fear.

All the way back we talked about possible solutions and wondered where is the money that was collected for Haiti. What we have heard is only about 38% has been sent for all agencies in the US that has been collect and they are waiting to see where the need is. I can tell you the need is everywhere you turn. It was here before the earthquake and it has only been intensified since the quake. I encourage you to you to contact the places you have made donations and hold them accountable and see where their money has gone.

This was a tough day to see what I have seen

A Look at Haiti

I am in my third day of my trip to Haiti. We have been in the country two and it has been a learning experience. Destruction is everywhere I look it seems like even the standing buildings have cracks in them. Tents seem to fill every park and the dust is everywhere. People are making progress and the micro businesses are up and running and people are everywhere.

The traffic is congested I never thought I would say this but it is worse than Los Angeles. Every car seems to have at least one dent. We were in an accident yesterday at a roundabout someone cut right in front of us and hit glanced the front of the SUV we are riding. windows rolled down some words were exchanged nicely and we went on. In the US there would have been a fight and screaming but we just went on.

Today we met with the board of directors at the Ecumenical organization we are visiting. They showed us plans to rebuild and they are hopeful. One thing they told us is they do not want us to do their work but they have the plans to rebuild but not the money. The do not want to ask for money but we need to find a way for the people of Haiti to keep their dignity are develop the things they need in order to move forward.

Will write more when I have time

Going to the Museum

Several years ago I and a couple of friends spent the day in Chicago. We caught an early morning train near my hometown and we spent the whole day exploring the city. When we entered the city we had no plans and it was a time of wandering for the first several minutes.
We ended up at Grant Park and finally decided to go to the Museum of Natural History which happens to be right by the park. After spending about an hour at the museum we then decided to get in a cab and go south to the Museum of Science and Industry.
The differences between these two museums is like night and day. The museum of Natural History is quiet and there are a lot of displays, skeletons of dinosaurs and a Native American hogan set up so one could see how life may have been several centuries earlier. One would walk through and examine and reflect on what life was like way back when.
The Museum of Science and Industry was a lot more active and interactive. Sure there were the displays but there were a lot of interactive things one could participate in and so one felt like they were a part of the action. One of the things you could experience was a coal mine. Where you saw all sorts of demonstrations on how machinery worked and how coal was mined. Having seen this before when I was in the fifth grade I wanted to see how it had changed.When I took the tour I remember the guide telling us none of the things you will see today are currently used in modern mining. But at one time they were used in coal mines. I realized the tour had not been upgraded in years it was still the same as it was the many years before when I took the tour.
Of the two museums I liked the Museum of Science and Industry more than the Museum of Natural History because I liked the interaction of the exhibits, I felt like I was more a part of the things that were going on than at a museum where I just watched.
When I relate this to my faith I want a faith where I interact with God not just sit and watch. I want God to be a part of my life and to feel the presence of God in my life. I am not content to look and see how things were done in the past and be content with things as there were and reach the conclusion that is how they always will be. Like the interaction with God it would be easy to reach a point where I would get comfortable and say that is far enough and never move forward in my life from that point.
My faith is not a museum to the past but a place that is constantly being upgraded and moving forward because is not something that is dead but it is alive in me. Things that are alive are constantly changing that is the continual challenge for my faith and life.

Preparing for Haiti

A couple of weeks ago I heard about a group from our region going to Haiti. I asked if there was room for one more on the trip and was invited to attend. I like to do at least one mission trip a year and until this opportunity came along I thought this would be the year without a trip. While the trip is a little over a month away there are some things I am aware for my journey.
This will most likely be the most difficult mission trip I have ever taken. Between the sheer poverty of the country and the devastation of the recent earthquake much of the infrastructure of the country is broken. Until yesterday we did not know where we would be sleeping. Food is scarce and very expensive so we will be taking some of our own meals. We have yet to hear about the availability of clean drinking water or the type of work we will be taking on but we are going with the attitude of doing what ever needs to be done under the leadership of our hosts in the country.Each person on the trip will be taking two suitcases one with personal belongings and one filled with things for the people of the Haitian Churches. I plan to leave many of my clothes in the country and come back with a fairly empty suitcase.
Because so many questions about the trip are unanswered the need for me to be flexible is the key to my ministry for the 10 days in the country. I believe while being the most difficult of trips I also believe it will be the most rewarding of the trips I have taken. I feel I will learn a great deal from the people of the country. They have been through a great deal and I can learn from their experience as well as minister to their needs.
As I prepare for my trip I need to prepare mentally by being determined to do the things I am asked to do in the midst of the existing devastation. I need to prepare spiritually by listening to the Spirit of God as I interact and share my gifts with the people of Haiti. I need to prepare physically to leave behind many of the comforts I take for granted and be willing to go with out things i would normally have for the sake of the mission. I need to prepare emotionally for the trip to hear the stories of pain the people will share with me and offer the compassion of the Christ in a way that is more than empty phrases but will help them and me gain strength and hope for the days ahead.
I covet your prayers as I prepare and as I go. I thank God for this opportunity to serve.

What to Make of all This

Over the past few weeks I have been following the developing story in our government over the issue of health care. With the passing of the bill on Sunday and the signing of the bill on Tuesday of this week there has been all sorts of stories hitting the airwaves concerning the meaning behind the passing of this legislation.
Prior to the passage of the bill lines have been drawn in the sand with all sorts of threats being made on both sides of the issue concerning what the passage or the failure of passing such a bill would mean for the people of our country.
I must admit I have been for a long time tired of all the threats, accusations, name calling and warnings being given from both sides. The result has been we are living in a divided society each accusing the other of being the cause of the problem.
I have learned a couple of things from what I have been seeing going on. First, if I don't get what I want then I can resort to any tactic in order to get my point across. It does not matter if it is in good taste or not or even if the statement is true. I will do whatever I need to do to turn people to my side because I am right. In the most recent presidential election I was sent information from one side I would label as being racist and I received info from the other side calling into question the history of the other candidate. It is all right to say anything true or not as long as you convince people of your point and belittle the other side. Over the past year I have been called not a true Christian, a socialist and bleeding heart liberal for some stands I have taken. It seems when ever we begin to lose an argument that is when it is all right to resort to name calling.
The second thing I have learned from this is we have lost sight of what is good for the people and replaced it with what is good for me.
I believe it is time for the church to take a stand and become the prophetic voice in the country it has been called to be. In order to do that we need to first of all be willing to listen to the people. This means all the people not just the ones on the side I am on. This week we began a book study at my church based upon the book Rediscovering Values by Jim Wallis. Now Wallis presents a particular view and comes from a certain mindset. There are people in the study who do not follow Wallis' view and they are free to present their viewpoint in the study without retribution. It is a way in which we can begin to dialogue about the differences which exist and wrestle with the issues.
It is not my goal in the study to convince everyone to my point of view but to engage in a conversation in which people can hear where others are coming from and in the end I believe we will discover we share some common concerns. The church needs to lead the way in being an example for others to follow by no stooping to the tactics which belittle or berate others. A person told me a long time ago, it is hard to hate someone you are praying for. We need to pray for one another and not that they will see things our way.
If we continue on this road I believe the results will be disastrous for eveyone.

Practice, Practice, Practice

I have been playing guitar since I was 19. While I enjoy playing I find it difficult to make time to practice. So I keep a chord book close when playing with the band at church to get familiar with chords I am not accustom to playing. I also keep a capo close by when a song is in a key that is hard for me to play I can move it to another key that is much easier. Several years ago when I first purchased my Ovation I took some lessons and I saw a big improvement in my playing. But since that time while my playing is better I lost some of the items I learned in those lessons. Today I still play chords with some proficiency but I can not TABs as well as I did while taking lessons and while still being able to remember some riffs in my mind, my fingers will not move fast enough to play them. In order to play guitar well I need to practice at playing and not just pick it up and expect to play well. Once a week just does not do it for me. While I can fake my way through most songs I have the potential to be better with some practice.
The same holds true when it comes to living out the faith. A good number of people believe showing up to church once a week is enough to live the Christian life but I do not think it is enough. There are some basic practices which will enhance our faith. For example to practice faith we need to put it into action in some way when we are away from church. It could be in a study in which we talk about faith issues. It could be in serving as a result of our faith. Praying for someone. Helping the stranger. Engaging in a random act of kindness. When these acts are motivated by our faith they are ways in which we practice serving God.

A Puzzling Observation

There is a scene in the Simpson movie I just love (because it contains a lot of truth): it is the scene where the crisis in the town of Springfield has reached epic proportions ans all the people in the church run to the bar and all the people in the bar run to the church.
People often seek God or the church in a crisis. It is most likely the one thing that brings people to church or back to church. But also a crisis may be the thing that takes people away from church. I am really puzzled by the later. The time people should be seeking God the most is the time they turn away. Any crisis can cause it, a death, an accident, loss of a job or just a disagreement with another member have all caused people to leave church from my observation.
One reason for such action is the person going through the crisis may fear judgment. I have heard it said by "well meaning" church folk that the crisis would not have occurred if they would have been closer to God. I have to admit when going through my recent health issue I asked myself the question why did this happen to me? I have been eating right, exercising and taking care of myself what did I do wrong to deserve this? The answer I came up with was nothing. If I had not been taking care of myself the cancer would not have been found so quickly. It happened to be because it happened and I don't know why but since it did I needed to deal with it. We need to remember that the rain fall on the just and the unjust and as a result we need to not make spiritual judgment which may not be the case and be supportive to people in their situation.
A second reason is embarrassment. For some time the church has tried to shed its image that Christians are perfect people but somehow we as the church are not always the most patient with people who are going through difficult times, especially our own people. We may not want to tell anyone what has happened because we do not want people to see our life as imperfect. Let me share with you a little truth. My life is not perfect and neither is yours. We live in a culture in which we feel we need to put forth the image we are perfect. If we can not hold up that image of perfection we draw back from life until we can bring that image back. We just don't want people to see us when we are down. In the church we need to be the place people can come when there is a crisis for support, for help and for nurture. It is difficult to go through a crisis but it is more difficult to go through it alone. We are reminded we are to bear one another burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Another reason that goes along with the embarrassment is people because of the crisis are not able to give like they were accustom to giving before the crisis. Being a part of a church means to be a part in good times and bad. We have been taught it is better to give than to receive so if we are not able to give we feel guilty. But there are times when I need to remind myself that when the need arises I also need to be a person who is not afraid to ask for help when I need it. For a long time I had the idea that asking for help was a sign of weakness. Strong people can handle things by themselves without help from anyone. I have since learned that is not true. Strong people are aware of situations when they need help and are not afraid to seek it. That has been one of the greatest lessons I have learned in life.
The church if it is to be the Body of Christ is a place where we help and support each other, we rejoice when others rejoice and hurt when they hurt. We help when they need help and we receive help when we need help. We are here for each other.

Time to Stop

Several years ago I was having a conversation with one of the adjudicatory leaders in my denomination and he made the comment: "I have never seen so many people with an it is all right to get in your face attitude." The conversation took place around 1995 or 1996 and since that time the issue has escalated to be 100 times worse than it was at that time.
What has happened is the screaming has escalated to the point where we fail to listen to anyone any more who have a different take on what we believe. As case in point for several months I received an e-mail from a member of the church I pastor which touted a particular political mindset of which I did not follow. After receiving a series of these items I decided it was time to send him a message which better represented my point of view. Very shortly I received a scathing e-mail from the person as to how I was not a Christian if I subscribed to such beliefs. I then felt the need to pay a visit to that person.
Today it seems both sides are doing a lot of name calling, hate mongering and mud slinging to the point it is all right because the other side did it first. I just scratch my head wondering when did the words of Jesus change from: "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" to do unto others only if they believe like you.
The conversation between differing groups has become a shouting match won by who can shout the loudest. I am reminded of a Peanuts cartoon from years ago where Charlie Brown is being chased by Violet and all of a sudden he stops and tries to reason with her. She listens for a while and then decks him with a right cross. Then she says, "I had to hit him quick he was beginning to make sense.
It seems as if we are afraid to enter into a conversation because the other side may have some good points. It is easier to put them down, name call and make the other side the enemy of all we feel is good.
Maybe it is time the people of God stopped being a part of the problem and started looking for a solution. Now I realize there may be some who will never enter into a conversation about the differences that exist but even though that may be true I must still make the effort to engage in the conversation. if I do not then I become one of the screamers and only serve to make the problem worse. Over then next few blogs I plan to give some suggestions about how this can be achieved.

Back in the Swing of Things

I am back in the office full time this week and for the most part I am feeling like I did before the surgery except for I don't have the anticipation of surgery hanging over me. Next week i hope to go back to the gym and give working out a try, I really miss it because it enables me to level out the negatives and work toward some reachable goals in a physical manner.
I am glad i have most of my energy back because today begins the season of Lent. It is Ash Wednesday and today I am beginning to head towards Easter in the hope of moving closer to in my relationship with God. Last Sunday I passed out a booklet called the Lenten Challenge in which I challenged the people of the church engage in some serious spiritual direction as they move down the road toward Easter.
There are six challenges , reading the scripture, praying daily, worship regularly, develop accountability, Bless others daily and give sacrificially. These are not easy challenges but are present in order to make me intentional about my Lenten journey of faith.
In each of these challenges God takes a part of our life and turns the focus on the spiritual side of things. A side that if taken seriously, we will be able to move toward a deeper relationship with God.
This will be a challenge for me as well because these things are often pushed aside with a busy schedule. I just need to be faithful in my life and move forward.
It is nice to be back and take the focus of my surgery and place it towards God and drawing closer this season.

Glad to Be Back

A little over two weeks ago I had surgery for prostate cancer. I am happy to say I will be back preaching this Sunday, Valentines Day 2010. While I am not yet back at 100 percent (I still tire easily) I feel it is important that I get back to church and the art of pastoring because that is what I am called to do. While it is easy to get bogged down in the day to day work of the pastorate in some ways these two weeks off have been like (for lack of a better description) a mini sabbatical with pain.
The weather has played havoc on us for the first few week of 2010 and my focus has been on my health rather than the church so we have gotten off to a slow start this year. But with my good report from the doctor and putting the surgery behind me the past few days have been a time of refocus for my calling. I have been able to reflect on the direction the church is heading come up some new approaches and get back into things with some renewed energy and I am ready to jump headfirst back into things.
With Lent on the horizon with special services and activities I will need to remember to pace myself as my energy builds toward the future.
With all that said life is good and I am glad to be back.

The Gradual Approach

Each day I am gradually able to do a little more and that is how my recovery is going. For example yesterday I went out to breakfast with some guys from the church, then after coming home I worked a little on Sunday's sermon and decided to work a little in my glass shop. After putting some things in the kiln I was able to rest for some time over lunch. After lunch I read a little and then it was time to check the kiln. I then took some time to organize my glass tools and parts and finished a bracelet. I posted some new pictures on my Facebook page and that was about it.

It was by far the most I have been able to accomplish since my surgery and a good mixture of activities. I feel I really need to get back to the gym but I know it is too early now, but in a week or two who knows.

Update

Got great news from the doctor on Thursday and I have been feeling so good, I have not taken time to sit down and write anything.
The path report showed one very small tumor and it had not spread outside the affected area so it was just as I was hoping. I have another appointment to return in a few weeks in order to double check the results and from there i am planning to move on from this experience and continue my life.
I plan to be back to work this week on a limited basis from home then possible spend a few hours in the office at the end of the week and then back in the pulpit this Sunday which just happens to be Transformation Sunday. I have already started my sermon and have a good mix of ideas rolling around in my head for how I would like it to play out.
I am ready to get back into things gradually I will increase my time over the next few weeks but with lent and then Easter I will most likely be trying to get up to speed fairly quickly. I plan to spend a little more time writing on this blog and hopefully I will have some meaningful things of a spiritual nature to challenge and inspire the readers.

Heading back to the Doctor

I have to say I am excited today to go to the doctor. That is not something one usually says but today is my follow up appointment after surgery. I expect to be told I am either on or ahead of pace for recovery and hopefully I will be given permission to drive once again. I have to admit it has been tough being regulated to the house or going out only with someone else doing the driving.

The recovery process has been slow but steady. When I came home from the hospital it was painful to get in and out of bed and even rolling on my side was a painful undertaking. But then again I remember getting out of bed for the first time last Thursday even with help it was not an easy experience. Then on Friday morning when I took my first walk about 100 feet down the hall it seemed like it was taking forever and I was exhausted when I got back to my room. Then one night this week I decided to go to Wal-Mart not to shop but to walk. It only took once to the back of the store to want to head home again.

Today is one more step in the process, one more step toward recovery. It has been a long road but one in which I have learned a lot.

The Desire To Do Too Much

I feel better when I am busy so sitting around recovering iis not a very easy thing for me to do. If I feel okay then I think i can do a little bit more but the truth is I have realized I can not. That is a fact which is hard for me to accept. I tried a couple of simple tasks today that took at the most 30 minutes but I could not believe how much effort those things took.

I have decided that often I find my identity in what I do. For example if someone where to ask me who I am I, I would tell them what I do for a living. But the person I am is a lot more than being a minister. When I take time to look at my life by who I am there are several qualities that make up my life, things that can't be measured or are a part of any profession. So I need to celebrate the person I am and the gifts I have and by just what I do.

When I come to that realization in this place in time I then I do not have to do anything just be who I am a child of God in need of healing and renewal.

Little Steps

I have come to realize healing is like faith. There are times when faith comes in bunches or waves but most of the time it comes in taking little steps. With each day I am experiencing a little less pain, and little more flexibility and movement. That reminds me I am moving in the right direction.

Faith is like that for me, in my past there have been some big moments of faith, some might say miracles have taken place. But most of the time my faith has been lived out in the little steps I take each day. Likewise in healing if I try to do too much it can be a step in the wrong direction and my health can take a setback much as my faith often does when I try to force my will upon a situation or become impatient waiting for God to do something.

Little steps are the key to faithfulness and healing. Each day we move a little closer to health and to God