Back in the Swing of Things

I am back in the office full time this week and for the most part I am feeling like I did before the surgery except for I don't have the anticipation of surgery hanging over me. Next week i hope to go back to the gym and give working out a try, I really miss it because it enables me to level out the negatives and work toward some reachable goals in a physical manner.
I am glad i have most of my energy back because today begins the season of Lent. It is Ash Wednesday and today I am beginning to head towards Easter in the hope of moving closer to in my relationship with God. Last Sunday I passed out a booklet called the Lenten Challenge in which I challenged the people of the church engage in some serious spiritual direction as they move down the road toward Easter.
There are six challenges , reading the scripture, praying daily, worship regularly, develop accountability, Bless others daily and give sacrificially. These are not easy challenges but are present in order to make me intentional about my Lenten journey of faith.
In each of these challenges God takes a part of our life and turns the focus on the spiritual side of things. A side that if taken seriously, we will be able to move toward a deeper relationship with God.
This will be a challenge for me as well because these things are often pushed aside with a busy schedule. I just need to be faithful in my life and move forward.
It is nice to be back and take the focus of my surgery and place it towards God and drawing closer this season.

Glad to Be Back

A little over two weeks ago I had surgery for prostate cancer. I am happy to say I will be back preaching this Sunday, Valentines Day 2010. While I am not yet back at 100 percent (I still tire easily) I feel it is important that I get back to church and the art of pastoring because that is what I am called to do. While it is easy to get bogged down in the day to day work of the pastorate in some ways these two weeks off have been like (for lack of a better description) a mini sabbatical with pain.
The weather has played havoc on us for the first few week of 2010 and my focus has been on my health rather than the church so we have gotten off to a slow start this year. But with my good report from the doctor and putting the surgery behind me the past few days have been a time of refocus for my calling. I have been able to reflect on the direction the church is heading come up some new approaches and get back into things with some renewed energy and I am ready to jump headfirst back into things.
With Lent on the horizon with special services and activities I will need to remember to pace myself as my energy builds toward the future.
With all that said life is good and I am glad to be back.

The Gradual Approach

Each day I am gradually able to do a little more and that is how my recovery is going. For example yesterday I went out to breakfast with some guys from the church, then after coming home I worked a little on Sunday's sermon and decided to work a little in my glass shop. After putting some things in the kiln I was able to rest for some time over lunch. After lunch I read a little and then it was time to check the kiln. I then took some time to organize my glass tools and parts and finished a bracelet. I posted some new pictures on my Facebook page and that was about it.

It was by far the most I have been able to accomplish since my surgery and a good mixture of activities. I feel I really need to get back to the gym but I know it is too early now, but in a week or two who knows.

Update

Got great news from the doctor on Thursday and I have been feeling so good, I have not taken time to sit down and write anything.
The path report showed one very small tumor and it had not spread outside the affected area so it was just as I was hoping. I have another appointment to return in a few weeks in order to double check the results and from there i am planning to move on from this experience and continue my life.
I plan to be back to work this week on a limited basis from home then possible spend a few hours in the office at the end of the week and then back in the pulpit this Sunday which just happens to be Transformation Sunday. I have already started my sermon and have a good mix of ideas rolling around in my head for how I would like it to play out.
I am ready to get back into things gradually I will increase my time over the next few weeks but with lent and then Easter I will most likely be trying to get up to speed fairly quickly. I plan to spend a little more time writing on this blog and hopefully I will have some meaningful things of a spiritual nature to challenge and inspire the readers.

Heading back to the Doctor

I have to say I am excited today to go to the doctor. That is not something one usually says but today is my follow up appointment after surgery. I expect to be told I am either on or ahead of pace for recovery and hopefully I will be given permission to drive once again. I have to admit it has been tough being regulated to the house or going out only with someone else doing the driving.

The recovery process has been slow but steady. When I came home from the hospital it was painful to get in and out of bed and even rolling on my side was a painful undertaking. But then again I remember getting out of bed for the first time last Thursday even with help it was not an easy experience. Then on Friday morning when I took my first walk about 100 feet down the hall it seemed like it was taking forever and I was exhausted when I got back to my room. Then one night this week I decided to go to Wal-Mart not to shop but to walk. It only took once to the back of the store to want to head home again.

Today is one more step in the process, one more step toward recovery. It has been a long road but one in which I have learned a lot.

The Desire To Do Too Much

I feel better when I am busy so sitting around recovering iis not a very easy thing for me to do. If I feel okay then I think i can do a little bit more but the truth is I have realized I can not. That is a fact which is hard for me to accept. I tried a couple of simple tasks today that took at the most 30 minutes but I could not believe how much effort those things took.

I have decided that often I find my identity in what I do. For example if someone where to ask me who I am I, I would tell them what I do for a living. But the person I am is a lot more than being a minister. When I take time to look at my life by who I am there are several qualities that make up my life, things that can't be measured or are a part of any profession. So I need to celebrate the person I am and the gifts I have and by just what I do.

When I come to that realization in this place in time I then I do not have to do anything just be who I am a child of God in need of healing and renewal.

Little Steps

I have come to realize healing is like faith. There are times when faith comes in bunches or waves but most of the time it comes in taking little steps. With each day I am experiencing a little less pain, and little more flexibility and movement. That reminds me I am moving in the right direction.

Faith is like that for me, in my past there have been some big moments of faith, some might say miracles have taken place. But most of the time my faith has been lived out in the little steps I take each day. Likewise in healing if I try to do too much it can be a step in the wrong direction and my health can take a setback much as my faith often does when I try to force my will upon a situation or become impatient waiting for God to do something.

Little steps are the key to faithfulness and healing. Each day we move a little closer to health and to God

First Full Day at Home

I got a good night's sleep last night which surprised me because I slept a lot after arriving home. The sorness around the incisions persists but it is much easier to move and get in and out of bed as well as the chair.

I have been up most of the day but will most likely head for a nap pretty soon. Recovery is nice because no one gets on your case for napping. As I have gotten older I have appreciated the timing of a well placed nap during the day. This is how I expected to feel right after surgery but it has taken me a couple of days to get there.

I have a much greater appreciation for those who have gone through surgery and really know what it means to experience incisions in the abdomen and how much those muscles are used for everything.

I realize how i need to take it slow and not try to do too much too soon.

Some new glass came while I was in the Hospital so I am anxious to see how it comes out in the kiln. I also have some new pieces I fused on Wednesday but have not had time to get them online yet most of these pieces can bus made into earrings so I may go that route. I am feeling up for visitors if not too many at a time. I appreciate all the prayer support i have received it sure has made a difference

The Recovery Begins

I am glad to be home from the hospital. While I recieved great care there there is no place like home. I now realize why it is going to take so long to recover from this surgery. I can not imagine the pain I would be feeling if I had opted for the older style of the proceedure. But i look forward to the recovery and it will be a slow process Wit every day the pain lessens a bit and some movement comes back.

I am amazed at the overwhelming amount of support I received from my family and friends. I appreciate all the prayers and notes and messages of encouragement that were sent in my direction. I have come away from this experience realizing how blessed I am as a person.

I was impressed by the staff at the hospital and their wonderful care for me and my family. If I had a need and they were aware of it they did their very best to meet it.

I must also express my thanks to Christy my wife for her care for me during this time. She was determined to spend the night and got up several times to take care of the little details.

I am sure with friends and family my recovery will go smoothly. Words can not express how I feel about the support I received

Going Under the Knife

As many of you may know I am having surgery in two days for prostate cancer. At first the news hit me like a ton of bricks. I never thought I would have to deal with this issue especially at my age. Fifty Six does not seem nearly as old as it used to. I did the usual things pondered the reasoning behind it all, asked the why me questions and sat around in a kind of blue haze right before Christmas. Then I began following my doctor's advice and began reading the information I was given and began to seek some understanding behind the diagnosis.
After dealing with all the info my question changed with some understanding. Instead of why me I began to understand why not me. My family history would logically point me in this direction since my grandfather has the diagnosis as well although at a more advanced age.
Second with my doctor aware of my history he was very intentional looking for it and as a result he discovered the problem very early. Since it was found very early I remain hopeful for the surgery taking care of the problem. Faced with the options presented to me I made the choice for surgery. I also have discovered those who have gone this issue in their lives have been very willing to share their stories with me. They all suggested their form of treatment claiming it was the best. It was like when my wife was pregnant everyone had a preganancy story to share with her. All in all I am thankful that my doctor said he would support me whatever I decided to do. In no way did I feel I was manipulated in any way to make the decision for treatment I made. I feel it is the best decision for a person at my place in life and I believe it will enable me to recover and rejuvinate in such a way that I can move on with my life in a healthy mode.
I am very thankful for the great support I have been given and thank everyone for their prayers and encouragement. I will write more about the experience as I recover and leave out the graphic details but share the experience in a way that may hopefully speak to others.

Developing My Artist Side

I grew up believing I was not an artist. Whenever we had art class in school or an art project I did not recieve good grades nor did I like doing the project. As I look back on those days I now realize there was most likely some ADD going on although it was not called that and my fine motor skills took some time to develop, resulting in messy projects from coloring in the lines, drawing pictures or later in mechanical drawing class where I always pressed to hard on the pencil.

Then in my first church there was a man who started a stained glass hobby. I thought I would like to give it a try. It took about five more years before I decided to take the plunge. I discovered a grinder could take away cutting mistakes and some solder could fill in the gaps. I made lamps, panels, and even some windows but for the most part my glass has remained untouched for the last couple of years. Even in all that time I would not have considered myself and artist, I sort of saw myself as a person putting together a puzzle in which you make the pieces yourself with glass.

Then this year I decided to expand my horizons and get ino the world of glass fusing. In going through the class a discovering some new talents and exploring some new ventures in the hot glass arena I have found some ability to create all sorts of new things.

Later on this Fall I was introduced to a book entitled "The Artist's Way" which helped me to see everyone has an artistic side but in my case I had allowed people to suppress it through criticism. As I look back I now realize there is an artistic side of my life and all I had to do was discover the right medium.

I have also found there is a freedom in expression, not based upon how others see it but how I through the help of God have expressed it. I have found this to be transforming for my life and my relationship with others and with God.

A 24 Hour Retreat

One of my plans this year is to focus more on my personal connection with God. One of the things I have discovered over the almost thirty years I have been in pastoral ministry is how easy it is to help others with their spiritual questions while never taking the time to address one's own. This past year has been particularly trying for me personally with some church issues, personal issues and some family health issues so I have thought it best to go deeper in my relationship with God in turn begin to wrestle with the issues that crop up from time to time. In turn this will serve to help me be more grounded in my ministry in the church and in turn approach the difficult issues that will come my way in the future, which I am sure they will.

With all that said, I signed up for a series of retreats this year through our regional office and have just completed the first of these a 24 hour retreat at Shantivanam. You can check out their web site by following this link: http://www.shantivanam.com/home.html

Shantivanam House of prayer is the prayer retreat center for the Archdiocese of Kansas City Kansas. It is located far way from the noises and lights of the city and was for me a place of quiet reflection. Some retreat centers are geared toward group retreats but Shativanam is set up for personal retreats.

The cabins we were given were designed for one person, set in a wooded setting where one was away from everyone. From my cabin you could not see anything but trees and forest. What I noticed at first was the quiet. In a world filled with noise I have lost the importance of silence. The scripture which came to mind was Elijah experience of God not in the earthquake or the storm but in the sound of shear silence.

Athough it was only 24 hours I was able to in my reading, praying, walking the many trails and sitting by the pond encounter a sense of peace in my soul with the person God has created in me. I took time to read, nap, reflect and encounter a closness with God provided by the creation all around me.

One of the final encounters I had during my time there was while hiking to see a particualr view I encountered a terrapin on the trail. He saw me a ducked his head back in his shell waiting for me to walk by. And as I returned down the trail he had moved a few feet off to one side moving ever so slowly making his way back into the woods but when he saw me again the head went into hiding. It had been years since I had seen a terrapin in the wild. I would see them all the time as a child when I visited my grandparents in Missouri. I have often sought to be the opposite of the terrapin moving from one thing to another very quickly but the slow movement reminds me of how much can be missed when moving quickly.

I learned my my experience on retreat the importance of slowing down and reflecting and filling up with the presence of God. When I do I begin to gain the refreshment needed for difficult times.

A New Religion

This is part of an article I recieved from Ron Degges the President of Disciples Home Missions and I believe it is worth passing on.

A new religion has been birthed. Well, it is kind of a new religion. It is a religion that has infiltrated all religions and it is a real danger. If it were just another ordinary, run of the mill religion I would not bring my concern to you. Neither would I if it were a religion that amalgamated a little bit of this one and a little bit of that one. Religious goulash has been around for millennia.
The religion I am talking about is LCD religion. Akin to Melba toast and pabulum rather than meat and potatoes, it sucks you in and then leaves you a complete mess. It attacks your spine and makes you spineless continuing to spread to your head, mouth, hands and feet. You do not know what to think, what to say, what to do, or where to go. It is Least Common Denominator (LCD) religion and it has taken hold of the faithful, their houses of worship, and their denominational structures.
More pervasive than you might think, Least Common Denominator religion drains the substance out of faith, hope and love leaving only a smiling veneer religion in white, patent leather shoes, singing the jingle: nothing matters any more/close your eyes and shut your doors/let's snuggle up and cozy be/it's not our problem/don't you see. Under its hypnotic spell religions have retreated from addressing the grand questions of fairness, equality and justice that are at the core of their identity.
I told you it is a real danger. This is the reason why we together have to get the boldness back into our religion(s) and back into ourselves. We have to turn the other cheek. We have to go the extra mile. We have to forgive and not look back. We have to embrace and not refrain from embracing. We have to love without exception. We have to do what Jesus taught us is right. We have to stop being afraid and start allowing God to lead. Fear is what neutralizes the Spirit's ability to lead thus causing LCD religion.

What's Next?

One of my favorite questions to ask whenever I complete a project is: what's next?" I guess it is founded on the principle that God is not finished doing a new work in me or in the church I serve. With that in mind I have just finished working on a major project from being on a task planning team for a transformational event and just finished the evaluation call for the event a few moments ago.

I have several items on my plate wanting to take the next step in the transofrmation process with the church, needing to get a project rolling for the completion of the interim ministry training course and the need to move some programming forward in our church.

But it is important to remember all I do in the church and out begins and ends with my relationship with God. It is easy to get busy doing stuff and lose sight of that connection. it is easy for me to forge ahead and get busy doing things and really not look to God for direction and guidance in what ever I am working on. The tendency for me to forge ahead and think I am doing God's work without ever checking in with God is a common problem in a busy, active and wanting results type world in which I exist.

The first thing in the "what's next?" question is how is my connection with God? Am I listening? Am I connecting? Am I taking the time to nurture that relationship which is vital for my life?

I am currently serving on the planning team for an event and through my contact with the members of that team I have been exposed to several new books and authors. One such author is Margaret Wheatley. One book was recommended by the group but another book of hers popped out at me while I was ordering the one that was recommended. Having never read anything by her before I did not know what to expect from either book. The second book is the one I want to focus on. The title is "Turning to One Another: simple conversations to restore hope to the future." It is a series of articles and quotes designed to help people start conversations with others. In our busy world we have stopped conversing with others and we need to relearn how to take the time to enter into conversation with people. When we do the world will be a better place.
One quote in this book jumped off the page at me: "it's not our differences which divide us, it is our judgements about each other that do." That statement spoke volumes to me. Having just gone through an election an few months ago the image which remains fresh in my mind is the amount of judgement that has been passed down on both sides of the political spectrum. But it does not stop there in our world today. Not only does one have to believe the same things I do but they also must follow the exact same action in executing those beliefs. If one does not the result is criticism and judgements. I receive a large number of e-mails from people on both sides of the political spectrum and both sides spend all their time judging the other and complaining about why the other is wrong and they are right.
There is a great scene in the film "Hotel Rwanda" in which the differences between the Hutu's and Tutsi people are described. It seems when the Dutch were running the country they created the division with the idea a divided population would be easier to govern. One of the groups had a lot more prestige and power than the other. When the Dutch gave up control they turned power over the other group making the once persecuted people the ones in charge. The result was those now in power began persecuting those once in power. A mass slaughter of humanity took place all in the name of getting even.
It is not our difference which divide us; it is our judgements about each other which do. When we make the judgement of right and wrong it creates a division which is very hard to mend. All it does is create an ever widening division in our world. We have to be right so we must do everything in our power to prove you wrong.
To be honest I have grown tired of the rhetoric from both sides. Because what I have seen is both sides have their supporters and detractors and who ever screams the loudest feels they have won. So the result is we scream and shout put downs and criticisms with the tag line one can not be a good person if they believe what you believe.
A wise man once said no one has ever converted another person to their side by way of an arguement. I might also add when judgement is passed on another it makes it harder to love that person in the way we as christians are called to love each other.

Thanksgiving

This was passed on to me via e-mail and while I usually do not pass such things on this one helped me through the day. It is attributed to Rex Barker and I think is is fitting for the season we are in.
Dear God,
I want to thank You for what you have already done.
I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards.
I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better.
I am not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me.
I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears.
I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves.
I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet.
I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job.
I am not doing to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief.
I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed..

I am thanking you because I am alive.
I am thanking your because I made it through the day’s difficulties.
I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles.
I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to do more and do better.
I am thanking you because you haven’t given up on me.

Thank You.

I hope you take time to thank someone.

It's official, it was announced yesterday that the stock market has officially lost half its value from its all time high a year ago. And with the questions concerning bailouts and bankruptcies on the horizon we may not have reached the bottom for this market. As people of faith how then do we face the future?
First we need to be realistic. These are difficult times for a lot of people. We will be seeing some people lose their jobs, lose their homes and struggle to put food on their tables just to feed their families. There will be some that will lose a big chunk of their life's savings and be forced to put off retirement or change their retirement plans completely. We face some very difficult times indeed.
Second, some changes may need to be made. In the midst of all the economic changes happening I have been taking a hard look at the way I live. I am looking at two areas of my life. What areas in my life can I cut back on and seek to live a simpler life. As I look at my checkbook I see a lot of areas where I can cut back because of my tendency to waste money on things I may not need for the sake of my own comfort. The question I ask myself is how can I live a simpler life? Also, I am trying to look at ways in which I can give more. How can I increase my giving to help people in need. I realize I would be unable to ease the suffering of all people but what I can do is help some people through this crisis.
Third, we need to see this crisis as an opportunity. I have a friend who repeatedly says, "don't waste a good crisis." This is an opportunity for the people of God and people of faith to step up and do what we can with what we have to help those in need. How can we step up? That is the big question. We need to listen to those who are hurting and not judge them but be a place where we can help with the resources God has given us. Praying for the guidance of God is a good place to begin. As we pray I believe God will direct us to action if we are willing.

I love mission trips. I believe it is the best way for me to connect with people in need and see of the results of putting faith into action. I just got home from a one week trip with three others from my church. We were working with about 40 others building two houses for Habitat for Humanity in Port Arthur, TX.

I learn a great deal of things about myself and others as I work on mission trips. On this particular trip I learned the need for patience when working with groups. While I have a tendency to organize events that I am in charge of it become very easy for me to become inpatient when others are not as organized as I am. When we arrived at the church which was to be our home for the week we discovered the slab for both of the homes we were to be working on were yet to be poured. They were originally to be poured on Friday before we arrived on Sunday but because of some bureaucratic hold up they could not be poured until the following Monday. That meant the crew would have to be split up to a couple of different sites for Monday work. So the team I was on went to work on some other habitat homes in Beaumont while the other crew went to the site to do some work building some prefab items that could be done while the slab was being poured.

It wasn't until Tuesday after lunch that my crew made it to the site and actually began working on the houses. That was all right because I had the opportunity to work Tuesday morning in Sabine Pass a community that was literally wiped out by the hurricane and from what I saw very little work had been done because there was still a lot of major clean-up to do from three years ago.

But in spite of the late start we were able to do a little catch up over the rest of the week and even though were were not as far along as they wanted to be. I felt we accomplished a lot of work in a short period of time. We had come a long way from no slab on Monday to where we wrapped up on Friday.

Some in our group were planning to work both weeks but others like me only gave one week to the project. But I can't wait to see the progress they are making this week.

I am posting a video of pictures that were taken on the trip I was on and the song is by Casting Crowns, "Who Am I" from the CD: "Casting Crowns". I plan on showing the video in worship Nov. 16th.

There has been a lot of doom and gloom going around lately since some major financial agnecies have gone under. There is alot of specualtion going around about what is the right thing to do concerning those agencies as to should the federal government bail them out to the tune of billions of dollars or should they just let them fend for themeselves and go under. If we do provide help how much and how will it be managed? Those are all important questions. I only heard stories about the great depression from my parents, my mother was born right at the start of it and my father was a young man just out of high school. They told me stories growing up about how difficult it was during those times. Families and neighbors worked together to help each other out in order to make ends meet. It was a time when people cared about each other and help them to get through those tough times.

I believe the command of Christ to care about each other calls us to action in helping one another get through difficult times like we are facing. God calls us to help one another and that is one of if not the most important mission of the church. It is the call of Christ in my life that brings me to church in good times and bad and it is the assurance of God's presence with me that helps me get through difficult times. How can we do that as a church?

Be here for each other. Listen to the pain each person carries as a part of their life. Then act on behalf of the grace God has shown you and show God's grace to another in need.

A week from tomorrow I turn 55 and it is time to take a moment to look back on my life. If you would have told me 28 years ago when I graduated from seminary that I would be where I am in life and in ministry and be enjoying both life and ministry more than at any other time in my existence; I would have thought you to not be telling the truth.
Life for me has been an amazing journey. I have met some wonderful people along the way. I have been in situations that have been not only enjoyable but at times they have been challenging. While there are some experiences I would not want to repeat I realize those experiences, good and bad have all had an impact on my life and have played a part in who I am today.
I continue to believe life is a learning experience. I am continually excited about the things I am learning about faith and God and how those things play out in the life of the church today. It is exciting to see God doing new things continually in my life. It is also exciting to share those things in the church and see and hear the faith experiences that people have.
At 55 years of age I realize my life is most likely more than half over but God is still alive and active and doing new things. I can't wait to see what the future holds.